i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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