He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
