i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
