How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i dont even know how to be here
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
