u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
