oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
