um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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