i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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