honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
