I like to think it a success when the cops are called
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
