An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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