OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.