If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.