with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO