When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
