He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
