She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
