Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
