she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
