i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
