It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize