How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
