Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
