the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
