I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
