party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
