Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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