I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
