while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
How many fucks given?
0.12846
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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