He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
