wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
