so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
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Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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