forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
two words...techno handjob
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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