The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
