i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
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And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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