There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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