Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
