Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
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