if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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