I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
