im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize