I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
