You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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