Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
