forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize