This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
