Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sorry my hands just texted you
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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