did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
