i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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