u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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