i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
