I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
