Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
