I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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