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went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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