i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
