THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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