Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
