it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
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When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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