you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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