Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
