Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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