need another drink. this is the easiest way
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
