Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Ambien. No doubt about it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
