The maid of honor just puked.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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