Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
