When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
